To Myself from 6 Years Ago,
I know this letter will be too late, but there are some things I wish you would have done differently. I wish you knew what I knew now, but I guess that‘s why I’m writing you. Here are pieces of advice I wish I would I have known back then, that I know now.
First off, don’t let anyone rush you into marriage. ESPECIALLY after only knowing them for three months. Yes, everything is all nice and blissful at first, but things will change dramatically as soon as you get married. Pay attention to all the red flags, draft a plan of action, and execute it. Your family and close friends will not judge you, they care about you so much and will do everything they can to get you to safety.
Be honest with yourself and don’t justify someone else’s actions. Take video, pictures, keep a journal, keep voice memos. Send it all to a trusted friend or family member for safekeeping. It will be difficult to do but when you’re ready, go over those painful, documented memories. Seeing this proof will validate your experience and can help you determine reality. What he did to you for years is called gaslighting.
There’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy. You don’t need to be ashamed. You will find a safe place there to process anger and blame. These crucial steps are necessary for healing after abuse. You will know when you’re ready to start the forgiveness process. Your mom, dad, or even your best friend can’t tell you when or how to start. Only you will know when you’re ready.
These days, you wake up with a rush of motivation and you’re no longer scared for your safety. Some days are better than others. Dates, anniversaries, random memories can get to you and you will dwell in your feelings a bit. That’s okay, your feelings are totally valid. It may take years to get through what you went through. You are improving your coping skills and you’re no longer scared to ask for help. You will learn to set boundaries and you will use your voice.
You will start a blog as a way to heal. You will begin to inspire other women to recognize abuse and hopefully the courage to leave their toxic environment. You are a stronger, confident women that knows now what a healthy relationship should be like.
Don’t give up, even when you feel like you should. Life gets a whole lot better. Oh, and drink more water!
Love Always,
A Flower With A Voice