I never imagined that I would become a statistic. I never imagined I would become a woman who would fall victim to physical, verbal, financial, and emotional abuse. I never imagined I would say that my life would be altered and forever changed by domestic violence. One year later, here I am. Still alive. I am a survivor.
Right after my ex’s arrest and before we separated, my ex gave me hell about the idea that I would move on quickly. He dated a girl for four years, and he was single for three months before we met. Four months after my ex and I separated, I found out he is dating another girl. I remember feeling enraged, mainly because I didn’t see the warning signs of a typical abuser: blaming and rushing.
This year was rough. To just get up, pack a small bag of clothes, grab my dogs, and drive 1500 miles back to Texas with less than $100 in my bank account — it’s astounding to me that I was able to do that. A year later, I’m in a much better financial situation. I’ve paid my car and two credit cards off. I am forever grateful to my friends and family that lent me money. I am grateful for the people that helped me get access to the government assistance provided for domestic survivors.
These past holidays were so rough. It was my first of many without my ex, and I couldn’t help but feel devastated. I can honestly say I don’t miss him, but I do miss the companionship. I fell into this horrible, deep depression where I didn’t shower for days or eat. If it weren’t for my dogs that need to eat and poop, I wouldn’t have gotten out of bed. I tend to bottle up feelings, and it’s something I’m trying to work on through writing and therapy. Ever since I moved back, I’ve purposely kept myself busy. That’s what I thought would be good for me, to not think about it. I’ll admit that it was the wrong approach. I feel like I’ve finally grieved, and it felt good!
I met an amazing group of women a few months after I moved back, and I couldn’t be more grateful for them. The Houston Latina Bloggers. These women come from all walks of life. Some are bloggers, youtubers, makeup artists, jewelry designers, candy makers, etc. I love the constant support these ladies have towards one another! These ladies inspired me to start this blog and share my voice.
Writing my blog had been therapeutic up until a few months ago. It was becoming too traumatic, and it felt like I was reliving my past again. It’s hard explaining to my family and friends why I feel the way I feel. I can’t just snap out of it. No matter who was involved, the way I felt, the way I loved, the sadness or any other emotion I experienced was absolutely real and valid. Whether people believe me or not, it doesn’t matter. I lived it. Every day, I make an effort to reach a place of healing, of freedom. I made it my goal to use my life-changing experience to help others recognize abuse and have the ability escape their toxic environment.
I truly don't know how to end this entry. I just needed to release some of these thoughts as part of my own human process of rebuilding Sandy Garza.